My sinful joy

Many people know me as a person living with HIV. So when I talk about my long-term fight with diabetes, they get surprised and often ask “Oh do you have a diabetes too?” Double trouble, that’s what I call it. In my memory the symptoms of high blood sugar levels started in 1997, and I was offically diagnosed in June 1999 at age 21.

‘School dropout’

Back then I was living at a boarding school, and you cannot imagine how hard it was for me to cope with diabetes while on boarding school food. I had to stop that school year just one month before final A-level examinations. That year I did not abandon school only, I also had to give up on my favorite sugary and fizzy drinks, and many foods. Suddenly it seemed that everything delicious contained those unhealthy sugars!

There was a lot of stigma and myths around diabetes. For example that diabetes was for the elderly or super rich. I was not old or some super rich kid! And then there were the weird stories… I was using insuline which had to be kept cool, and since we did not have a fridge, I had to keep it in a fridge at a local bar as these were the only places with a fridge at the time. Every evening I would go to the bar for my insuline shot and people would always make fun of me. “How come you get a disease of rich people when you are poor?”, “Are you injecting drugs?”, “Stay and drink beer with us!” No matter how they bullied me, I did not give up.

One day, when I saw a mother feeding a 6 months old baby with diabetes, I told myself that if a young mother can manage to keep her baby healthy, I am also able enough to make decisions on how I should manage this chronic disease and grow older with it. Since that day I learned to take control of how to manage my diabetes myself and honestly, after all these years, I have to say that it is not that hard as long as you have the will and motivation.

My sin moments

Jaco

Earlier this month I was at the hospital for my diabetes check up where I ran into my peer Jaco with whom I also share the same doctor. We were chatting and he asked me how long I have been living with diabetes. For me that is almost 25 years now. So I was quite shocked to hear he was 7 years when diagnosed, and that now he is living for 45 years with diabetes. It is amazing to know a long term thriver with diabetes!

Jaco made me really glow to see how healthy and cheerful he is. He is somebody who does not give up easily. I asked him what was the hardest thing since being diagnosed at 7 years? He said “Giving up on eating biscuits”. We laughed hard about that, and I admitted that we have this in common. Then he continued and said ”When I was 11, I told doctors that I cannot continue that diet, I want to eat something sweet sometimes, food that everyone is eating. So they told me that sometimes I could eat a biscuit, but only a little bit and not everyday”.

I asked him “Now that you have been living with diabetes for 45 years, what is your sinning moment?” He said, “There are these Dutch biscuits called speculaas, sometimes I can eat the whole pack. But next day is pay back time! I must also work out by doing sport”. So Jaco cycles and walks everyday for 30 min.

Enjoying a sinful moment

Jaco asked me in return “ What is your moment of sin?” And I said “I like coconut macrons very much. That is the kind of biscuit I can eat every time”. And like Jaco, I pay back and walk my 10+ km.

This is how I can enjoy my life… Sin a bit, and balance my sins with a health lifestyle. We concluded that even when you are living with a chronic disease, you can arrange your life around it, still be cheerful and have a successful life. Jaco does not sit at home defeated by diabetes, he works for a company as an IT architect. And I feel the same about life. I run my company ‘Indonongo’, change the world as HIV Stigmafighter, while taking care of my healthy new me.

I am very thankful our paths crossed. Thank you Jaco, for being an inspiration for many. We don’t let diabetes stand in our way!

WE LIVE, WE AGE, WE THRIVE!

Peace,

Eliane

Ageing positively

As a woman and mother living with HIV how do I see ageing?

A lot of people are afraid of ageing, yet for me it is a very exciting journey and I am actually looking forward to getting older! So, let me share with you why I see ageing in a positive way.

The whole of my adult life, only based on my appearance, people often assume I am still very young. This despite my double trouble of HIV and diabetes. In my life this has led to many embarrasing situations.

When I took my first born for her first vaccination to the clinic 20 years ago, the nurse told me to call my mother. When I told her that I was the mother of my daughter, she yelled at me ”Listen girl, don’t play with me. Call your mother, we need to ask her some questions”. This made me very sad as it reminded me of my mother who died two years earlier. So, with tears in my eyes I responded that “I AM the mom”. When she started hitting me I took out a breast, squished it and made the milk jump unto her. Calmly, I said, “Do you believe me now?” With her guilty face, not even apologizing, she finally started vaccinating my baby. That was the first time I really wanted to age and look like a mother to the people around me.

Three years later, another story happened on the 14th of February 2004 during my husband’s birthday in Luanda, Angola. We invited friends to celebrate with us at a local disco. Everyone was allowed to enter, except me! The bouncer said “You are a ‘quatorzinha’ (14 year old), you can’t enter here!” Everybody started defending me saying I am 26, married and a mother. So when we were about to leave by car, our Angolan driver greeted us and called me “boss, please get in”. The bouncer asked him if he knew me and he replied that we are a married couple. Finally the bouncer believed me, apologized and let us in. I really wanted to celebrate in this place as dancing can lift my spirit! In no time I was already back in a good mood to forget all the drama of being called a quatorzinha.

Since then there were countless times I have been mistaken for my age, hoping that when I reach 40+ things will change. But even as recent as last week, when I wanted to buy a bottle of wine in a supermarket, I still was asked to show my ID by two employees to prove I was older than 18! I told them to look deeper, that I was older than that. But they would not believe me and that without showing my ID they were not going to give me the bottle. Luckily, I had my passport with me. You should have seen their face when I showed it and when they read I am 45! They apologized and said “We are so sorry you look too young for your age!”

Over the years I have learned from these stories that instead of feeling insulted by people that misjudge my age just by looks, I should accept it as a compliment. So these days, I smile at these embarrasing yet funny moments rather than becoming angry like I used to in the past.

What is my ‘secret’ to ageing? I firmly believe that taking good care of my body and mind has a huge positive effect. I am staying in shape by walking everyday 10+ km, I love performing on stage, I am always trying to be happy when I am at home by singing and laughing out loud. This positive take on life must help I guess. And the added benefit is that I am still reducing my diabetes medication intake!

So ageing does not bother me at all. The fact that my ‘looks’ apparently do not match my age is something I now embrace rather than fight! What matters most is that while I am ageing, I also become more fulfilled, happy and healthy!

Peace,

Eliane

Healthy New Me

You may wonder why I chose this title? And why I believe this will be my 2021 slogan?

As I shared in roller coaster, as a long term diabetes survivor, I have been dealing with many health challenges alongside HIV during the difficult year 2020. Most of that year I also suffered heavy menstruation, related drops in my iron level and anemia. Because of this I could not exercise regularly, losing confidence when doing simple things like walking or cycling. Sometimes I thought I was about to have a heart attack!

So I gave up the only sport I really enjoyed before Corona came into our world. Do you know what it is? WALKING. Before these health issues I would walk 5 to 7 km daily and 15 km once per week. I liked walking, being in the nature, smelling fresh air and giving me inspiration.

I became really unhappy about my health and I started fantasizing about walking on the road again and wishing that I got rid of the extra weight gained. And on top of that, my diabetes became worse and I needed to increase my medication which was already a lot.

When they told me that I would finally be helped with my bleeding problem, I could not wait to get on the operation table to get control over my life back. Before I entered surgery on 19/11/2020, I promised myself that if I would come back safely and start walking everyday the moment I would be allowed to exercise again.

So, the day after I got the green light from the hospital, I kept my promise and started walking again. I set myself two goals: 1) Get rid of the extra diabetes tablets and 2) reduce weight so I can fit my wedding dress again. Every single day since the green light, I walked at least 10 km and I increased it to at least 15 km per day during the weekends!

Two weeks into my push to regain my health and confidence, I got my first check-up with my diabetes doctor since my surgery. She was very surprised when the results came in, asking me “What did you do to make your diabetes go down so quickly?” I said “walking 10-15 km everyday”. So she told me that I could immediately reduce the number of tablets and that if I would continue to improve, I could even take less.

I was so happy to see the immediate positive result of my hard work and that I am already on my way to achieve my first goal. I can’t wait for the day I am ready to find my wedding dress and start trying if it fits!

Achieving these positive results, makes me more motivated than ever! I am losing my weight, I am gaining more energy, my sex is great, and my husband is happy 🙂

I love the Healthy New Me, with a positive mind doing positive walks.

Peace,

Eliane