Our own power

What is your desire? That question guided our Amani weekend at Sint Lioba Monastery, a space where we could finally breathe, connect, and listen to our inner voices.

We all carry dreams and desires, but we also carry the whispers that try to stop us: “No, you can’t”, “you don’t deserve happiness” or “don’t even try.”   These voices are not ours. They are fear. And fear grows when we stay silent.

Sometimes we need a little push to share our dreams and desires. At the Amani weekend, we chose connection, building trust, sharing our stories, and discovering how much strength we carry. Even after so many challenges, none of us has given up.

Our mental health matters. To share dreams, we must feel safe, grounded, and alive.

We asked ourselves: What makes me feel alive? What do I desire beyond what society, family, or partners expect from me? The answer was simple: becoming the best version of ourselves.

One exercise taught me this deeply. We assumed the formation of a group of geese, taking turns leading and supporting. It reminded us that power is not meant to be held alone. While in real life some people want to keep power for themselves, we learnt that true strength is shared and we need to help each other.

My stone drawng

Another exercise asked us to walk in nature and find something that spoke to us. I found a stone between the grass and flowers. I picked it up and noticed it was solid, strong, and unshaken by rain, snow, or burning sun. It reminded me of my own journey: war, hardship, migration, survival… yet still colorful, warm, sharp, proud, and standing strong. My group saw the same in my drawing of this stone. We were connected, even with different backgrounds.

I am grateful for the Amani women. I felt safe enough to share my story. About healthy living, growing positively, and reclaiming joy. Walking on the beach, dancing at sunrise… these were dreams from my dreamtree, and I finally lived them.

Now it’s time to pick my next leaf of my dreamtree: Vietnam. A place my husband worked six months after our wedding, twenty‑three years ago. It took time, but I will finally see Saigon.

We all have inner power. We just need the courage and community to use it.

Peace,

Eliane

(pictures courtesy of Anna Moro)

Precious Powerwoman

Today we celebrate International women’s Day.

As women, how are we doing? How well are we in seizing power in a male-dominated World?

Maya ANGELOU once said:” My mission in life is not merely to survive but to thrive and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor and some style”.

If we want to fulfil her mission, we must continue to fight for equal rights for women every day. It is up to us to create a world…

Where we can thrive, where nothing will stop us from achieving our goals,

that protects our dignity with passion, and

where we show compassion, allowing no space for discrimination or stigmatisation.

Let us stay focused on our mission with humor and style!

For Stories of Hope we are proudly sharing the amazing story of young powerwoman Precious who turned her pain into courage to never let HIV stigma stand in her way. Please welcome Precious as a hero of hope!

Happy International Women’s Day 2022. #BreakTheBias

Peace,

Eliane

Ageing positively

As a woman and mother living with HIV how do I see ageing?

A lot of people are afraid of ageing, yet for me it is a very exciting journey and I am actually looking forward to getting older! So, let me share with you why I see ageing in a positive way.

The whole of my adult life, only based on my appearance, people often assume I am still very young. This despite my double trouble of HIV and diabetes. In my life this has led to many embarrasing situations.

When I took my first born for her first vaccination to the clinic 20 years ago, the nurse told me to call my mother. When I told her that I was the mother of my daughter, she yelled at me ”Listen girl, don’t play with me. Call your mother, we need to ask her some questions”. This made me very sad as it reminded me of my mother who died two years earlier. So, with tears in my eyes I responded that “I AM the mom”. When she started hitting me I took out a breast, squished it and made the milk jump unto her. Calmly, I said, “Do you believe me now?” With her guilty face, not even apologizing, she finally started vaccinating my baby. That was the first time I really wanted to age and look like a mother to the people around me.

Three years later, another story happened on the 14th of February 2004 during my husband’s birthday in Luanda, Angola. We invited friends to celebrate with us at a local disco. Everyone was allowed to enter, except me! The bouncer said “You are a ‘quatorzinha’ (14 year old), you can’t enter here!” Everybody started defending me saying I am 26, married and a mother. So when we were about to leave by car, our Angolan driver greeted us and called me “boss, please get in”. The bouncer asked him if he knew me and he replied that we are a married couple. Finally the bouncer believed me, apologized and let us in. I really wanted to celebrate in this place as dancing can lift my spirit! In no time I was already back in a good mood to forget all the drama of being called a quatorzinha.

Since then there were countless times I have been mistaken for my age, hoping that when I reach 40+ things will change. But even as recent as last week, when I wanted to buy a bottle of wine in a supermarket, I still was asked to show my ID by two employees to prove I was older than 18! I told them to look deeper, that I was older than that. But they would not believe me and that without showing my ID they were not going to give me the bottle. Luckily, I had my passport with me. You should have seen their face when I showed it and when they read I am 45! They apologized and said “We are so sorry you look too young for your age!”

Over the years I have learned from these stories that instead of feeling insulted by people that misjudge my age just by looks, I should accept it as a compliment. So these days, I smile at these embarrasing yet funny moments rather than becoming angry like I used to in the past.

What is my ‘secret’ to ageing? I firmly believe that taking good care of my body and mind has a huge positive effect. I am staying in shape by walking everyday 10+ km, I love performing on stage, I am always trying to be happy when I am at home by singing and laughing out loud. This positive take on life must help I guess. And the added benefit is that I am still reducing my diabetes medication intake!

So ageing does not bother me at all. The fact that my ‘looks’ apparently do not match my age is something I now embrace rather than fight! What matters most is that while I am ageing, I also become more fulfilled, happy and healthy!

Peace,

Eliane