I want the world to know

In May 2014 I finally told my secret; I published a note called ”The Hidden truth” on facebook to inform everyone about my HIV. I had been thinking about coming out of the closet for many years and that day I was ready to share my reality and prepared to face a storm of reactions.

Before coming out I told a few friends, neighbours and parents of my kid’s friends. Why did I do that? I was creating my small safe haven, in case the world would turn its back on me. So I was assured that these people would hold my hand and support me! 

Back then I was not sure what reaction I would be getting, but in the end I received a lot of supportive responses. Some people called me, others wrote messages calling me a strong and courageous woman, thanking me for sharing, telling me they love me, and reassuring me I would still be the great dancer and remain who I was.

Then Hello Gorgeous, a Magazine for people living with HIV, approached me if I wanted to share my story as a HIV talent. So in the 2014 autumn edition I became a cover girl for that magazine. I decided to use the magazine cover as my facebook profile picture.

This is when the troubles at my kids’ primary school started;  a parent went to tell the director of my HIV. He asked me to remove the picture, he said ”You scare the parents!”. I told him that if parents have questions, they are welcome to ask me. I added that I could change my facebook profile picture but that the truth would still be out there, in the magazine and online!

That’s when I handed him a copy of the magazine. He looked inside and saw me posing with my Indonongo and said ”You look happy and strong!” I said “That’s exactly my point! Have you ever seen me unhappy? I came to this school with HIV but I did not tell you. There are other parents with secrets as well. I am out of the closet and please don’t tell me to hide again!”

But some parents did not give up yet! A few days later a teacher told me “Mrs Becks, I am sorry to tell you that parents are very worried that your son is going to infect the whole classroom”. I was furious and asked “ Are you seriously thinking that my son is going to infect your classroom including yourself?”

To my surprise he answered that he was afraid that was going to happen. So I told him that first of all he does not have HIV and secondly even if he would have it, how is he going to transmit it to you and the other kids? Is he going to have sex with you all, is he going to breastfeed you or is he going to inject drugs and share a needle with you? By now he was begging me not to be angry, and said he needed to ask this so he could answer those parents.

I was like, well you got your answer. But since it is HIV you are trying to push me and my children down. I will NOT allow it! Tell those parents, whoever has a question, to come to me and we will talk. Shame on you as teacher, not making an effort to look for basic information on HIV. And you are hiding behind the parents while you are afraid yourself.

You all thought this would be the end of it, right? Well, things just got started… Very soon after this, teachers started reporting to us that one kid was suicidal and the other was uncontrollable and was continuously hitting other children. So all of a sudden they had mental issues? But as the school already reported this to the social care system, we were now labeled a dysfunctional family thanks to this school. This unleashed an army of social care ‘specialists’ towards us. I can tell you, there is no way to keep them out of your door and you are guilty until proven innocent!

So, we went through a very stressful period of observations by psychologists, dozens of talks with social caregivers, and hundreds of forms/ tests to fill in. All this to discover if my husband and I were evil. Guess what? They found nothing! And all we got from the school was a simple apology for the misunderstanding…

I felt really down for suddenly being treated as a bad mother, whilst I have always been so active for the school helping them out with many activities including making music. The moment I came out, all went down the drain! That period in 2014 I had to stand tall and fight tooth and nail against this bigotry. But I showed them that no matter what kind of box they tried to force me into, I did not fit!

My secret was out, and nothing was going to stop me now! Luckily my safe haven did its work. Of course, some parents were fully understanding and to date my kids are friends with many of their children.

It is not easy to fight stigma and discrimination, and when it comes to my children I will do anything to protect them. In the end the drama caused by school and the army of caregivers stopped and we walked free after our long fight!

I am glad I came out and I did not regret my decision!

Peace,

Eliane

I AM… OPEN

Hello my lovely people. It is always great to have something to keep you positively busy during these strange Covid times. So I am very excited to share a new initiative called stories of hope with you. I will be leading this for the coming 4 months.

Just a little background: I was lucky to follow the STEP- UP training organised by the European AIDS Treatment Group (EATG). Together with many other HIV activists and advocates I gained a lot of extra knowledge on HIV. EATG also gave us the opportunity to pitch a project we are passionate about and I decided to share my dream of reaching out to people living with HIV with a migrant background with them.

And guess what? My project was selected and I received a small grant to launch stories of hope! This is such a great opportunity because as HIV stigmafighter I dare to speak out against anyone who stigmatises or discriminates people in my city Amersfoort, the Netherlands and Worldwide.

I love Amersfoort and during my time here, I experienced stigma from healthcare providers, people on the street and employers. It happens everywhere, right now! So I want other talented people that never let stigma stand in their way to join me and inspire people still facing stigma today.

My journey will start in Liendert, an urban area with more than 7,500 people of which 52% has a migrant background. I want to reach out to them and provide a safe space for them to process and share stories related to stigma in our community. Through my partners Het Huis van Bartels, a green oasis in the heart of Liendert, I will work with people with a migrant background and tap into their unique talents to open up and share their story.

And I have evidence this works! What would I have done without my talent as an artist? It helped me to accept my hiv status and focus on positive messages of hope for the hiv community. Even before I was diagnosed with hiv I already shared my talents and I realised that hiv did not change who I am. Through the support of organisations such as hello gorgeous, hiv vereniging and many others, I regained my identity and came out stronger than ever before. Now it is time for me to take action and inspire change in my community.

And you can be a local hero too! If you like my poster, get in touch and join my growing pool of talents through your own poster!

Are you getting excited as well? Join me through my facebook page or the website.

Have a great weekend.

Peace ,

Eliane

HIV medication exchange

I would like to share an article (in Dutch) published on 9 Jaunary in the magazine Hello Gorgeous. It is about a topic that I am really passionate about: Ensuring that unused HIV medication, still in its original packaging and meant to be destroyed here in the Netherlands, reaches people with HIV in places where there is still no access to life-saving medication. In the text below you will find the translated text in English:

Ready to be sent to people without HIV medication in Romania

Hello Gorgeous: “How did you get this idea to collect HIV medication for Romania?” Eliane: “Last year I met a Romanian woman during a meeting of the European AIDS Treatment Group in Brussels. She was looking for people who wanted to donate their HIV medication to pregnant women with HIV. We became friends on Facebook and kept in touch. When she told me that these women are regularly without HIV medication, I was heart-broken. Without HIV medication they risk their children being born with HIV. I don’t understand this is still possible in Europe. “

Hello Gorgeous: “What are you doing to tackle this?” Eliane: “I am continuously asking people in my network, via messages and emails, if they have any medication left. Often, this happens when people switch medication, then they are left with unused medication. I collect this, compare it with a list I get from my contact in Romania, and then I send the required medication to Romania. It hurts me, to see we are so committed to climate action, for example by recycling, but that we are still throwing away perfect medication which can save lives elsewhere. This only happens because our rules are such that medication prescribed for one person cannot be transferred to someone else.”

Hello Gorgeous: “Have you also approached pharmacies to help you?”. Eliane: “Certainly, I talked to a number of pharmacists here in Amersfoort. They told me that they used to collect medication in the past but that this ended when health authorities required them to stop this. I always tell them to give it to me secretly. It is so difficult to accept that unused medication is destroyed while we can find a purpose for it. Meanwhile, we still worry about someone dying every 40 seconds of the effects of AIDS due to a lack of access to medication.”

Hello Gorgeous: “What can people do if they want to send you their unused HIV medication?” Eliane: “If people switch their HIV medication and still have unused supplies at home, they can contact me. Send me a message via hivstigmafighter@gmail.com and you will hear from me.”

This message gives me courage to continue HIV medication exchange

Hello Gorgeous, thank you so much for publishing this article. Already I have been approached by people, asking me how to send their left-over medication to me. Many people living with HIV in Romania will forever be grateful to you.

I really hope to expand this project in 2020, so more people with HIV in Romania or elsewhere in this world can continue using life-saving HIV medication even.

Peace, Eliane